~ The definition of Happiness ~

What is your definition?

If my definition is different than yours, does that mean I'm not really happy?

If my definition is different than yours, does that mean I'm not allowed to be happy?

If my definition is not church based, does that mean I don't have a right to be happy?

'Man are that they might have Joy'

'Judge that ye be not Judged"

"He that is without sin, cast the first stone'

Isn't that what you teach? Doesn't seem to be what you live. As I watch my friends fall by the wayside, choose to push me out of their lives, I wonder.

"You are not the girl I used to know, you are trying to convince yourself that you're happy, when you're not. You are being controlled by Satan. I never really knew you.

This, of course, is all said via FB or email or txt. No one spends any time with me to test their iron clad theory. Everyone speaks to those that agree with them, just to solidify their decisions.

"You're cold and uncaring. You're distant and shut off. "

Let me ask you...if everyone in YOUR life shut you out, decided that you were mentally altered. Decided that the choices you had made were so repulsive that they couldn't stand the thought of associating with you. Wrote you letters and emails about how they wished you were dead...wouldn't you be a little defensive. Would you put up your walls?

Are you there when my walls break down? Are you there when I try and deal with being pushed out of the lives of all that I loved? Are you there when it becomes more than I can handle?

"You did this to yourself. " That's what I'm told over and over.

You're right, I did. I chose me. I chose to make decisions for myself. I chose to separate myself from aspects of my life. I chose to discover parts of life for myself. I chose to identify myself differently. I chose to re-evaluate my commitments and responsibilities. I chose to be with someone else. I chose to re-define the definition of my family. I chose to leave the church. I chose to escape the oppression I felt. I chose to release myself from the constant guilt put on me in my failures. I chose to remove myself from the constant expectations that are never attainable.

How long do you think a person can handle rejection? How long before you say...I'M DONE!

I'm tired of explaining myself, I'm tired of talking about it, I'm tired of the comments, and looks and judgements.

If you can't handle it, don't want me...can't accept....FINE. I am not here to beg for your love or friendship or acceptance. I will not do it anymore.

I am happy. I have found fulfillment in ways I didn't know existed. I have found or renewed friendships that fill my life. I have had people fill roles in my life vacated by others. I am peace with my thoughts. I am stronger in my commitments.

Don't call me trying to justify your rejection. Don't call me asking for explanations so that you can judge me further. Don't call me.

I give you a comment posted in reaction to a blog post about me.

I commend you for your commitment to your beliefs and your testimony. Part of your belief system is that people have agency. Agency to decide whether or not to make choices that coincide with your beliefs or not. Agency when it comes to what armor to wear and what armor to put off.

My only comment is to look past the armor, and see the person. Unconditional love is what you believe the Savior exemplified and taught as an example for us to follow.

If you truly believe what he taught then you will realize that the people he most often chose to associate with were the ones who made wrong choices. Who were in need of help, compassion, and yes, even friendship. Granted, it was easier for him to see the hearts and souls of the people he met. So we, on this earth, have to make much more effort than Him to display this unconditional love.

I know you think it's an oxymoron for me to be 'preachy' about this. But thus far, my experience with peoples reactions have been exactly the opposite of the professed unconditional love. All the way from Stake President to Bishop to friends and family.

You can profess your religion all you like, and I know that nobody is perfect and can't live all the commandments and live up to all the ideals. But if you profess it in word only, and don't live it, then you are as the Book of Mormon says, a hypocrite.

I beg you to prove me wrong. I really do, I want you to prove me wrong and surprise me.

You would be the first.

~ No Time ~

I don't have time to be witty on two blogs...if you want to read my private one...send me an email.

~ Dear Erica, thanks for the laugh ~

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my damn neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to the ten-page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this --ever.

15. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?)but when I immediately call back it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and runaway?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day " Mom what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay……

~ How come nobody told me?!! ~

Dear Bulk Barn,

Why have I not experienced your delights? I didn't know that you inhabited my world. I did not know that you had so many items that I'm sure I need. Why did no one love me enough to inform me of your fabulousness. And WHY WHY WHY don't you have a location in Calgary?

Oh Bulk Barn, my heart yearns for your bins and bins or bulkness. For the chocolate molding stuff, for the tiny treat bags, for the glories display of cookies cutters.

Darling Bulk Barn, fortunately you have residence in two places that I do spend time. I also just found out that you have a home in Regina. Though I'm sorry for that, it's Regina after all. Don't get me wrong Bulk Barn, there are 6 fantabulous people in Regina that I miss miss miss....and I think my reasons for visiting them just increased...because of you Bulk Barn.

So, dear Bulk Barn....until we meet again.

Love,

Owner of mini cookie cutters that are totally useless but could not be resisted.

~ Shot Up ~

So I did it. I was reluctant, don't think I need it. I've gotten the flu once in the last five years. I was down for over a week, but still...only once.

I am not as concerned about the vaccine as my reaction to it. Had a sever migraine the last time I got a vaccine, not looking forward to that possibility.

Stood in line for.....ready.....10 min. Why? I work on the Tsuu Tina Reserve, in their admin building. The First Nation people are considered high risk, apparantly, so the vaccine was being offered to all staff in the building. This building, though all offices, is quite the social area for the residents. It's always full of the community. So to increase my resistence, I chose to get the shot. 10 min wait here, 8 hours somewhere else....hmmmm, not a choice at all.

I think I've already been exposed to the flu, already fought it off at least twice. But, better safe than sorry I guess.

~ Tricker - eee ~

Here are the munchkins right before leaving to Tricker-eee (as Mr. J says).

The biggest munchkin was too cool to dress up, or be in the picture.

~ Day 2.1 ~

Charlotte also has a crazy amount of churches. Old, new, new age, old age, neon lights flashing....lots. Seems like anyone can start up a church. Charlotte encompasses approx 250 square miles, and has 700 different churches. Seems you'll never be board on Sunday.

Charlotte is also the center of Nascar. And it was Nascar weekend when we landed. These guys are nuts for Nascar. I personally don't see the draw. The cars drive round and round. Wahoo? But in the south, they are big fans. So whatever, we didn't see it, didn't plan to see it. However in our wandering about, checking out the city, we stumble upon Nascar. There is an entire stadium and these guys take it seriously. They are camped out for miles. Full spreads of friends and families that have enjoying everything that Nascar has to offer. And there are A LOT of fans. We quickly exited the Nascar area of town.

So, skipping ahead. It seems the pictures from the rest of Day Two, and most of Day Three are not on this computer.

~ Day Three Evening - Metallica ~

Why did we go to a Metallica concert?

Well....

Initially the draw to go to Charlotte was because we were already going to be in the states, and it's cheap to fly once you're in the US of A. So we looked at events that were playing, and Charlotte was hosting So you think you can Dance. We are fans. Upon further investigation it was discovered that Metallica was playing the night before. I'm adventurous...always up for new experiences. I don't know that I was prepared for Metallica.

Charlotte North Caroline is predominantly inhabited by African American's. They, however, are not Metallica fans. In the previous three days I had seen very few white people. It seems they all ventured out for the concert....and they are all white red necks. Wow. 18,000 screaming white, male, southern fans. We didn't have good seats, it was a last minute decision to attend the concert. We were WAY up there. The Time Warner Arena is about the size of the Saddledome. Decent, but not huge. We were in the nose bleeds. Didn't seem to lessen the volume any.

There were two opening bands, we skipped them. Metallica comes on and this place goes nutso. Show involved lots of flames, laser lights, coffins hanging from the ceiling, head banging, on the floor playing of the guitars, thrashing your hair around, it was an eye opening experience. Mouth opening as well, I'm told I watched the whole thing with my mouth slightly open in astonishment...and my ear plugs in.

Why are there no pictures? Cause the tickets said you couldn't bring a camera, so we obeyed. We shouldn't have...everyone had a camera. Lesson learned.

I now own a Metallica t-shirt. I wear it with pride. I am a survivor.

~ UCLA can't be wrong ~

UCLA STUDY

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on whereshe is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

~ Day Two ~

Charlotte

This first thing you need to know about Charlotte NC....you can't see the city. Unlike our dear Calgary...when you start travelling near it...it welcomes you with a vast sprawl of suburbia. Charlotte there are trees. Like crazy amounts of trees. You can't tell how large communities are, how far the next road takes you, whether there it an overpass upcoming....THERE ARE TOO MANY TREES! They are beautiful, don't get me wrong. Some of the brightest colors of fall I've ever seen...but really, it's crazines.

So Charlotte has a population of around 650,000, a decent size city. It's major industry is finance. Many large banks are based in Charlotte. Did you want to know this? Too bad, if not....cause I always like to know what the major industry of an area is. Why do people live here, why does it thrive? Everywhere I go...the question is always posed...."What is your industry?".

So to re-cap....Charlotte has lots of trees.

~ Alright already!! ~

I have a job people....I can't make blog posts the second I get home....sheesh.

And yet, here I am...wetting your appetite for the adventures of me...so, first I must sort through about 2000 pictures, no exaggeration.

DAY 1 - Calgary to Charlotte

Early flight from Calgary to Chicago. Have only enough time in Chicago to walk from one terminal to another, and Chicago is a BIG airport. Visit the potty, grab some lunch, right on another flight. Watched My Sister's Keeper while flying, cried and blubbered through the whole thing.

Arrive in Charlotte, get rental car, find hotel.

1st Lesson learned - if you cheap out on a hotel in an effort to save cash...you get what you pay for. $45/night hotel in Charlotte

- rock hard bed

- had to ask for more than two pillows

- bathroom door didn't close all the way, the floor was so uneven

- large bug, that ran away to it's home in the floor grout

- deafening fan

- booked one with a kitchen to save on meal...not toster, have to toast bagel over hot plate.

Head out to find some dinner - end up at Chili's. Met Aubrey. Sorry no pic, forgot camera.

1st "We're from the South" vocabulary lessons

- Will mi'lady be needing a box? - You wanna take the leftovers?

- That's for you mum. - Here's your box.

- Don't be offended when you're called Maam 45 times, you're not old...you're just in the south.

- Don't be alarmed that you are the only white people in the restaurant - you're in the south.

~ Stupid Blog ~

Finally got this blog figured out, is was being very tempermental...and that's why there were no posts while on my trip.... But I'm up and running agian, stay tuned for the glories adventures of Me.

~ I've waited for so long...~

Dear Sweet Potoates,

How long I have longed for your lusciousness. CC and I are awaiting the melting in our mouth, the calories on our waste line. We don't care that you have the gross calorie count of a small nation. We don't care that you have brown sugar on the inside AND marshmallow on the outside. We do care that you have just the right amount of bacon, and grease...and bacon. Who thought up sweet potatoes, bacon, sugar and then for good measure throw marshmallows on top? It has been far to long since I have savoured your goodness. Welcome back Sweet Potatoes, see you in 3 sleeps....and then again at Christmas!